I fucked up at work yesterday. Or, should I say ‘I think I fucked up at work yesterday’.
You know that feeling you get when you think you’ve proper messed something up? That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? The sudden sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat? When the panic sets in and you frantically try and retrace everything you did that got you to this point? Then you start questioning yourself and worse still, doubting yourself.
Yep, I had one of these ‘episodes’ yesterday. I won’t bore you with the details but in a nutshell, I produced a report for a client and let’s just say that she was less than happy with it. She decided to express this to me by basically interrogating me about my skills and qualifications and claiming that I had ruined her life and her business. Did I mention that she was a moron and a drama queen?
Now, this wasn’t quite the response I had envisioned when I hit the ‘send’ button a few hours earlier. So I was a little taken aback and defended myself as best as I could. But after I put the phone down, I must confess – I was rattled. My first and immediate reaction was to read through my work again. Was she right? Had I been unprofessional? Had I really ruined her life? (Ok, I didn’t actually question that but you get what I’m saying!).
All of a sudden, words and paragraphs that I thought were harmless when I wrote them suddenly screamed out at me. Should I really have written that? Does she have a point? Did I overstep the mark?
After re-reading and questioning every paragraph of my 11 page report, I left work feeling pretty crappy. Fortunately though, I had the good sense to call my husband and I couldn’t have scripted a better response from him!
My husband reminded me of what I’d written on all of the mirrors in our house a few days earlier, when I wrote the post– ‘I am good enough’. He told me that I was good enough, that I should know that I am and that I shouldn’t let this woman make me doubt that. In just a few seconds, with a few simple words – he managed to cut right through all the bullshit and get to the heart of what had upset me. And then to add to that, just by reminding me of those four little words, he managed to make me feel so much better! Yeah, I know – he’s got skills!
You see, anytime I make even a minor error at work I go into panic stations. The first thing I do is doubt myself. The second thing I do is let the feelings of the imposter syndrome take hold. ‘Oh my god, they’re going to find out that I’m actually really shit at this job after all’ or ‘they’re going to find out how thick I really am’. These are my ‘go to’ thoughts despite the fact that I’ve been doing this job for eight years!!!! And despite the fact that I more than competent at it. For some reason though, some part of me is always in fear that I’m not good enough to be where I am right now – and that I’ll be found out. The cruel joke of all of this is that I’m not even in a high flying job! LOL
Despite my husband’s wise words, as is standard procedure with anything in my life. I needed to bounce this off my best friend too so I called my sister. I went through the whole scenario again with her and she listened patiently. She then said the second wisest thing I heard that day. She told me that a Manager had once said to her “you need to be able to stand behind whatever you produce and believe in it. Every time you give advice or produce a document, you not only need to be able to fully understand it yourself. You also need to believe in whatever it is so you can stand behind it!”
My sister explained that my apparent ‘fuck up’ wasn’t a processing error, it wasn’t like I pushed the wrong button and everything went to shit. My ‘fuck up’ was actually something I spent days thinking about and writing. Something I investigated, pondered and then went on to write an 11 page report about. Everything I put into that report at the time I wrote it was something I considered relevant. “So stand by your beliefs”. She said. “It doesn’t matter if one person in the world doesn’t like it. So what?! If you can stand behind what you wrote, because you obviously wrote it for a reason – then who cares if she doesn’t like it or if she complains? That’s just one person’s opinion. It doesn’t matter if you get called up on it either – as long as you can stand by your beliefs”.
She ended her little sermon with “as long as you know why you wrote what you wrote, why you did what you did, then that’s all that matters”. Jesus! When did this 30 year old kid get so wise?
It’s no secret (to anyone who has read my posts) that I’ve been struggling a little with the whole visualisation part of my 100 day challenge! This is despite the fact that I’m already a quarter of the way into the challenge. I decided today that it was time to get some more help and the first place I looked was YouTube!
There are dozens of visualisation videos out there but a video by Bob Proctor resonated with me so this is the one I’ll be sticking to for the next few weeks!
The video below is 21 minutes and 54 seconds long and it’s more than worth taking the time out to listen to it. I sat on the tube this morning, put my head phones on, pressed play and closed my eyes. It seemed like only minutes had passed and it was already time to get off at my stop. I didn’t notice or feel anyone around me – quite an amazing feat during rush hour in London town!
I felt calm and deeply relaxed. I even felt like at one point I had massive smile on my face. Proctor is good! He uses subtle hypnosis to get you to relax but the magic for me is in the way he guides you to visualise ‘abundance’ – whatever your definition of abundance is
I commit to listening to this video at least once a day for the next 21 days. I also think it’s time I exercised my visualising muscles a little more. Yes, I have big goals as part of my 100 day challenge but I also need to work on the small stuff happening. Visualising that perfect parking spot, or the tube waiting for me as soon as I get to the platform… you know, the little things in life that make a big difference. I will of course keep y’all updated on my progress.
So, if you want an abundant future… give this video a go too and as always, I’d love to hear how you get along!
As part of this post, I thought I’d do some research about the origins of Valentine’s day … but then I got bored and gave up! What does it matter anyway? Valentine’s day as we now know it, is all about; roses, chocolates, cards and romantic meals.
It’s the one day of the year that those of us who have persevered through the ups and downs of a relationship, can feel that it’s all been worthwhile… because there’s a possibility we might receive a card or roses or chocolates or even a free meal! If our love is like the stuff you see in movies, we might even get one or more of these gifts or all of them together! Now that’s a love that can’t be tested!
Today is also the one day of the year that it’s assumed by most that anyone who is single will feel like shit and long to be in a relationship!
Whatever the reality of these situations are, is unimportant. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, is irrelevant. Because, today is ALL about love – and showing the person you love the most in the world, just how much they mean to you… and single or not, we all have that person in our lives! Because that person is YOU!
If today you secretly hope that your loved one will go to great lengths to show you how much they love you. Or you wish you had that special someone in your life. Ask yourself instead, what are you doing to show yourself how much you love you?
Take five minutes out and grab a piece of paper and jot down:
- 5 of your accomplishments over the last year, however small.
- 5 things you’ve done to help others over the years.
- 5 compliments you’d give yourself.
- 5 parts of your personality that you think are pretty damn cool.
- 5 things you like about your body.
Take time to reflect upon your achievements and congratulate yourself on the person you’ve become and the person you’re trying to be. Appreciate who you are and how far you’ve come, through all of the tough times.
Once you’ve done this, do one thing to pamper yourself today. Dress up! Go further and treat yourself, however small that treat might be – be it a slice of cake, a new top or a new book you’ve been thinking about buying. Whatever you decide to do, do one thing today to show yourself how important you are.
And remember, a lot of what you see is an illusion. Yes, there are happy couples out there but that happiness doesn’t come without work. It takes hard work to make a relationship last, to stick it through the tough times, day in and day out. Just like it’s hard to be single – while everyone around you seems to be coupled up. It’s just a different kind of hard.
The important thing is not if you have someone to love or that someone loves you. The important thing is how much you love yourself. As the stylish Miss Carrie Bradshaw once said, “don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first…”.
If you’ve never been in love with yourself before, today is the perfect day to start.
Happy Valentine’s day to me… and of course, to you too. xx
A useful exercise I came across in the latest ‘Psychologies’ today magazine.
5 Law of Attraction hacks I’ve learnt from Susan Ferraro
So, who exactly is Susan Ferraro? Ermn, I have absolutely no idea!
I came across Susan on one of those suggested Facebook posts – you know the ones. They randomly appear in your newsfeed offering you the world. In this case, Susan was offering a short free course on the Law of Attraction (LOA) so I thought I’d check out her free videos.
Although I chose not to sign up for Susan’s paid course, I did find that she made some valuable points which I’ll share with you (adding my own take on them of course):
1. Like reflects like
Rather than the LOA being about ‘attracting’ what you want in your life, Susan flips this and suggests that the LOA is actually about reflecting what you want to attract. She uses the example of looking into a mirror. The only way you’re going to get your reflection to smile back at you is of course, if you’re smiling. It’s a simple change of words, reflect rather than attract but for some reason, it clicks with me.
2. Know what you want
This doesn’t have to be a long drawn out process. It’s a simple as a split second decision. It’s all about certainty. Susan gives the example of wanting new flooring and going to bed being sure that this is what she was going to get. She wakes the next morning to a burst water pipe resulting in damage to her carpet… and therefore, she’s left with no choice but to change her flooring. Susan got what she wanted, the how isn’t important (I’m not quite sure this particular example would be a good outcome for me. Burst pipes would likely send me over the edge!). Nonetheless, this got me thinking.
I’ve been thinking back to times when I’ve had similar experiences but for me it’s usually when I’m pissed off about something. It’s like something flips in my brain and I think ‘enough is enough’ or ‘fuck you world’ and there and then, in a split second I make up mind that this is how things are going to be. Whenever I’ve had a thought like this, the things I’ve wanted have manifested.
Now the problem for me is that it takes a lot for me to get to this stage, like a lot. I’m a ‘go with the flow’ kinda gal and I generally don’t feel passionate about anything (unless it pisses me off)… Hmm and I guess herein lies my problem?!I need to get my Hulk on more often. I need to get the feeling of ‘how fucking dare you?’ which results in my thinking being determined and focussed. I guess I need to work on using my powers for good.. but at least I’ve finally identified the feeling I need to create.
**I need to be in a permanent state of being just on the verge of turning into the Hulk!
By the way, if anyone has got any ideas on how I can recreate this feeling without having to be pissed off first- please let me know!
Any LOA student knows that visualisation is a key part of manifesting your dreams but for me personally, this is something I really struggle with. I just can’t conjure up pictures in my mind on demand. I have no idea why! Tell me to picture a cat, my mind will instead give me a blank screen – every time!
Susan rescued me here! She doesn’t visualise so much either. Instead, she journals about how she wants her life to look! I love this idea!
I’ve already started incorporating this way of visualisation in my 5 minute journal and I have to say, I really prefer the process of writing about what I want rather than sitting there trying to picture it. This for me is a keeper!
4. Desperation is a turn off
Just like it is in any relationship, when you act desperate (even if it’s in your mind) it’s an immediate turn off. Apparently, the Universe is no different from any guy or girl. If you act desperate about what you want, the Universe aint interested!
I guess this is what ‘they’ (the people in the know) mean about having faith. You have to decide on what you want, know that you’re going to get and trust that the Universe will deliver it. Basically, it’s like going to a bar in your best get up, knowing that you look hot and knowing that you’ll be pulling tonight… there’s no doubt in your mind that you’ll be approached! But if you’ve been sitting there for 2 hours and no one has even looked your way, you start doubting yourself and start feeling and looking a bit desperate- making the whole situation even worse. If you would’ve just held your cool, you would’ve realised that the type of people you want to attract hadn’t actually arrived at the bar yet. It is only 4pm after all! Catch my drift? Be cool my friends, be cool.
5. Just focus on the step in front of you
Don’t get caught up in the ‘how’s’. Just focus on the first step of the staircase, you can deal with the rest of the staircase as and when you get to it.
If you start looking at the whole grand picture of what you want out of life, it’s easy to get disheartened and convince yourself it’s not going to happen. Because, well… quite frankly you’re not seeing anything – not yet anyway! But that’s ok. These things take time.Focussing on just the step in front of you is one way around this. Trust that you have asked, so you will receive but forget about the big picture – it’s just one step at a time.
I just came across this post ‘how to heal painful memories’. What a fantastic way to try and clear all that negativity. Check it out here
If you’ve ever wondered how Hypnotherapy can help ease the pain of childbirth, check out this first hand account: Finding hypnobirthing: the best thing I’ve ever done
Yeah, we’ve all heard this a million times before, right?
It’s like that scene in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams repeatedly keeps telling a young fresh faced Matt Damon that it’s not his fault and Matt’s all like “yeah, I know it’s not” but Robin keeps on at him. “It’s not your fault Will (Matt). It’s not your fault Will” and on and on until Matt starts swearing and then finally breaks down and starts crying. Poor Matt.
Now Robin wasn’t being mean. He just needed Matt to know and believe that it wasn’t his fault. Because dammit, it wasn’t Matt’s fault!!!! (and it never will be in my eyes). Robin had to say it to him over and over again until Matt was able to believe it.
Matt initially plays along “yeah Robin, I know it’s not my fault”. Then he resists “don’t fuck with me Robin” and finally he accepts “sob sob”. And that’s the moment right there, when his life starts to change!
**If you haven’t seen Good Will Hunting yet don’t judge it on my description of this scene! But where the hell have you been? Go see it!
It’s the same thing with this principle. We all know we’re enough… right? I mean if you were to ask yourself right now if you were enough, your first and immediate response would more than likely be ‘yes’. But are you really? Then why aren’t you crying dammit?
The majority of us have an underlying hidden belief that in some way, shape or form we’re not enough. Sometimes it’s obvious where this belief comes from. Obvious to a Hypnotherapist at least. There will be there abusive parent, the Mother who left when you were young, the constant criticism from an overbearing father. These childhood events often lead to a feeling of not being enough, a feeling that stays with many of us throughout our lives holding us back from being all that we could be.
More often then not however, this belief is hidden somewhere so deep inside you that you absolutely no idea that you even think that you’re not enough. You’re just not one of those people, right? But your actions (or lack of), give you away…
They’re in that project you never complete.
That job you want but never apply for.
The pay rise you never ask for.
It’s when you accomplish all of your goals but never feel fulfilled or happy
The dance class you’ve always wanted to take but never do.
In never dreaming big because good things like that just don’t happen to you.
A good Hypnotherapist can help you figure out where this belief comes from and how to turn it around, usually in one or two sessions. But you don’t always necessarily need to know where the belief comes from. There’s a lot you can do to help yourself, starting right now.
So what’s the solution?
I’ve recently come across the work of Marisa Peer, who according to her website is the UK’s leading Therapist – so she must know her shit!
According to Marisa, the solution is a simple one. She tells her clients that three little words could change their lives. Yep, you’ve guessed it! These three little words are: I am enough.
Marisa suggests writing these words on your mirrors and on your phone and to basically surround yourself with them. So strong is Marisa’s belief in these words that she says when her clients have started saying them she has seen their lives transformed!
Whaaat??? Could it really be that easy? Marisa says ‘yes’!
That sounds like a challenge to me!
Now I have no idea if this works but it’s time to put these theories to the test and see if there really is some magic to be had in this easy to do self-help stuff that I always read about but never do! So, I’m adding these three little words to the remainder of my 100 day challenge.
My mirrors are already wearing my finest red lipstick and I’m rearing to go. Let’s give this a shot see where it takes us! I will of course report back with my findings so watch this space!
Why not go grab yourself a red lipstick too and write ‘I am enough’ on every mirror in your house? Say it loud and say it proud whenever you see it. Say it to yourself repeatedly while you have a shower, when you do the washing up or just when you have some spare space in your head.
You never know what might just happen when you stop resisting and start believing… in you!