How to turn your pain into power

The truth is, everyone has a sad story. The chances are that somewhere along your journey of life, something not so great happened to you. You may or may not even know it, but you’ve carried the pain of that sadness around with you for your whole entire life. Like an invisible anchor, it’s been pulling you down, holding you back in some way. Undetected, its been dictating the choices you make and the person you’ve become.

 

 

Some people have suffered inconceivable tragic events. Their sad stories are obvious and it’s easy to understand why they may engage in self-sabotaging or destructive behaviours. For the majority of us however, the sadness is so subtle, so buried beneath the surface that we don’t even realise that it’s there. That it’s silently weaving its destruction. But the clues are obvious, if we’re willing to acknowledge them. They lie in the overeating, the lack of self-control, the insecurities, the low self-esteem, the addictions, the anxieties… and the pain.

 So ingrained into our daily lives are these behaviours that we view them as completely normal. We tell ourselves that they are just a part of who we are. Yet, the overeating leads to obesity and a variety of health complications. The insecurities lead to jealousy or the inability to have a healthy, loving relationship. The consequences of addictions such as smoking and drinking are well known… yet every day, we continue to kill ourselves just that little bit more. Unaware of the reasons why. On autopilot, we just do what we need to, to get through the day.

These habits and behaviours that frustrate you, the ones that you wish you could overcome … they all started somewhere. There’s a reason you started smoking and there’s a reason you can’t quit, no matter how hard you try. There’s a reason why the thought of speaking in public makes you break out in a cold panicked sweat and there’s a reason why you over eat. There’s a reason why despite everyone telling you how beautiful and amazing you are, you just can’t see it.

These subtle but destructive behaviours can stem from anywhere. And because they are so subtle, it’s difficult to make the connection on a conscious level. It could be the harsh words of an overly strict parent, the constant mocking by a sibling or the fear of losing a loved one. Childhood events such as these, which can seem minor through the passage of time can impact your life in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Yet, every day – the effects are there, showing up in every day habits… in the drag of a cigarette or the secret night time cookie binge.

 

We hear stories from clients of all different backgrounds who are struggling with anxiety, eating disorders, phobias or addictions. We listen to clients trying to rationalise these behaviours and trying to figure out why they just can’t stop doing what they’re doing. We also hear about the impact of these habits and how destructive they really are.

Our aim isn’t to analyse these behaviours but instead to find the root cause through Hypnosis. Once we know what the initial trigger is, the healing can really begin. The best part is, once a client walks out of our office (or ends the Skype call) they don’t have to do an ounce of work to change. The shift has already occurred and will continue to grow. We as therapists have the unique privilege of witnessing this transformation right before our eyes.

Real life case studies:

1. Kat

Last year we met Kat who in her view grew up in the perfect family and was always supported and encouraged in everything she did. Kat couldn’t understand why with all this support and a loving family, she was so insecure about singing in public despite having a beautiful voice. During our session, Kat discovered that whilst she was overly encouraged in all her artistic endeavours, her singing was never acknowledged by her family let alone praised. Without her being aware of it on a conscious level, this lack of acknowledgement had led to years of insecurities as an adult. We were able to assist Kat in healing those experiences through Hypnosis and empowering her to sing in public with confidence.

Kat says:

“Both times I saw Neeta, she took me back to places where I was surprised to find myself, and helped me make missing links to what was happening in my current life (due to past key moments that somehow shifted my beliefs). I didn’t even realise those things were affecting me. Knowing this allowed me to take action and allow some healing to take place.”

2. Nane

Then there was Nane who came to us as Pro Bono client. Nane had spent thousands of pounds calling Psychic hotlines, searching for answers as to why her life wasn’t where she wanted it to be.  Because of this, she had to sell her home and was struggling financially. We were able to help Nane overcome the unresolved pain she experienced as a child. She discovered that on a subconscious level, she had been carrying around the pain, sadness and fear she felt as a child of not being heard and not being stood up for. This resulted in many self-sabotaging behaviours that Nane was still engaging in well into her late 40s!

Following two lengthy sessions via Skype, Nane reported that she had made more progress with 2 sessions of Hypnotherapy than she had in 20 years of conventional therapy. She had a renewed love of life and had repaired broken relationships with family. She was dating again; the sale of her house had gone through and for the first time in a long time she was feeling hopeful about the future. In fact, her third session with us was just to tell us that she didn’t actually have any issues to discuss!

3. Jennani

Jennani contacted us during the breakdown of her 10-year marriage. Her husband was leaving her weeks after the birth of their first child. Jennani was desperate to save her marriage despite it not being a happy one. After just one session, Jennani says:

“Hypnotherapy made me able to see my underlying problem that I had for years but never thought about it. I cared way too much about others but I was scared to show my emotions to them. I also forgot to love me first. Now I realize that I have to love myself first in order to be able to give love to others. It has changed my attitude towards life and people I love!”

4. Ozlem

Ozlem booked a session with us after suffering with intense and unbearable period pain. For twenty years, Ozlem had come to believe that this pain was normal and accepted that it would be part of her life forever.

Ozlem came to see us because she was now at the stage where two weeks out of every month was consumed by pain. Ozlem was unable to leave the house and found herself in a state of constant pain and agitation resulting in social isolation.

During our first session with Ozlem we were able to determine that her physical pain stemmed from the childhood burden of having to be the carer of a younger sibling while her parents worked. On a conscious level, Ozlem was completely unaware how much this responsibility had affected her physically.

We helped Ozlem face these emotions, explore them and then release them… ultimately, resolving the pain associated with them.

 Ozlem says:

“I had terrible period pain and it was affecting all of my life. The pain was too strong and I was feeling tired, moody and lazy.

But now, this period term I didn’t feel the pain too much . On my third day l did yoga for 1 hour 15 mins and I did a run for 30 mins… that’s what l want …  I am going to gym 2-3 hours then meeting with my friends , living the day fully and don’t get tired easily like l used to be.

That was an amazing experience, it’s working on me very well.. I am reaching my goals..”

 If you’re ready to turn your pain into power, contact us for a free consultation at info@regencyhypnotherapy.com or call FREE on 0800 246 1017.

Appointments available via Skype, WhatsApp video or at 1 Harley Street, London.

visit http://www.regencyhypnotherapy.com for more information.

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Daily motivation: Marathon man

Today’s daily motivation is a special shout out to a remarkable man on his 105th Birthday! Happy Birthday Mr Fauja Singh, marathon man!

The next time you feel frustrated by the limitations of your body, remember that Mr Singh couldn’t walk until he was 5 years old. Due to weakness and pain in his legs, he was only able to walk the distance of a mile by the age of 15. He went on to run his first 26 mile marathon at the age of 89 and retired from competitive running only 3 years ago, at the age of 102.

Know that you can do anything you set your mind to. After running a 20km (12.4 miles) charity event , Mr Singh mistakenly thought he had run 20 miles and signed up for a marathon believing he only had to run a further 6 miles. He in fact had to run more than double the distance.

He only realised his mistake 3 months before the marathon and then trained every Sunday for 12 Sundays. He turned up to his first training session in a 3 piece suit and trainers – and no change of clothes!

The secret to Mr Singh’s health? Restricting his food intake. His advice is the older you get, the less you eat, the better it is for you.

Whatever your secret, we salute you Mr Singh and we’re inspired by you!

 

Daily motivation: How to feel more abundant!

If you, like me, sometimes struggle with feeling ‘abundant’. Try this great little exercise I came across:

Put £100 in your pocket, or write yourself a cheque for X amount and carry it around with you everywhere you go.

As you go about your daily activities, look at all the things the money in your pocket could buy and just say to yourself “I can have it”.

I tried this yesterday whilst I drove into central London and I have to say, I felt pretty damn good! I had a cheque for £100,000 in my pocket so it was fun sitting in traffic looking at all the cars I CAN have… it also made me realise that there’s a lot that I don’t want or need either.

Give it a go and let me know how you get on. You’ll probably notice that you feel a whole lot happier by the time you reach your destination. And remember, like reflects like so if you’re feeling abundant, you’re reflecting/ attracting abundance!

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Daily motivation: Quit trying to change the bad

“If your goal is to get out of debt,
You’ll stay in debt forever.
Because whatever you think of, you attract.

You’ve got to start seeing what you want.

You don’t work on cold if you’re cold, you work on heat.
Cold is the absence of heat so you work on creating heat.

If you want good in your life,
quit trying to change the bad.
Quit trying to get rid of the bad.
Let it go.
Let it be part of the past.
Start to see the good that you desire.

Visualise it, see it as present in your mind.” ~ Bob Proctor

Change-Be-the-Change

 

 

Stand behind what you believe

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I fucked up at work yesterday. Or, should I say ‘I think I fucked up at work yesterday’.

You know that feeling you get when you think you’ve proper messed something up? That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? The sudden sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat? When the panic sets in and you frantically try and retrace everything you did that got you to this point? Then you start questioning yourself and worse still, doubting yourself.

Yep, I had one of these ‘episodes’ yesterday. I won’t bore you with the details but in a nutshell, I produced a report for a client and let’s just say that she was less than happy with it. She decided to express this to me by basically interrogating me about my skills and qualifications and claiming that I had ruined her life and her business. Did I mention that she was a moron and a drama queen?

Now, this wasn’t quite the response I had envisioned when I hit the ‘send’ button a few hours earlier. So I was a little taken aback and defended myself as best as I could. But after I put the phone down, I must confess – I was rattled. My first and immediate reaction was to read through my work again. Was she right? Had I been unprofessional? Had I really ruined her life? (Ok, I didn’t actually question that but you get what I’m saying!).

All of a sudden, words and paragraphs that I thought were harmless when I wrote them suddenly screamed out at me. Should I really have written that? Does she have a point? Did I overstep the mark?

After re-reading and questioning every paragraph of my 11 page report, I left work feeling pretty crappy. Fortunately though, I had the good sense to call my husband and I couldn’t have scripted a better response from him!

My husband reminded me of what I’d written on all of the mirrors in our house a few days earlier, when I wrote the post– ‘I am good enough’. He told me that I was good enough, that I should know that I am and that I shouldn’t let this woman make me doubt that. In just a few seconds, with a few simple words – he managed to cut right through all the bullshit and get to the heart of what had upset me. And then to add to that, just by reminding me of those four little words, he managed to make me feel so much better! Yeah, I know – he’s got skills!

You see, anytime I make even a minor error at work I go into panic stations. The first thing I do is doubt myself. The second thing I do is let the feelings of the imposter syndrome take hold. ‘Oh my god, they’re going to find out that I’m actually really shit at this job after all’ or ‘they’re going to find out how thick I really am’. These are my ‘go to’ thoughts despite the fact that I’ve been doing this job for eight years!!!! And despite the fact that I more than competent at it. For some reason though, some part of me is always in fear that I’m not good enough to be where I am right now – and that I’ll be found out. The cruel joke of all of this is that I’m not even in a high flying job! LOL

Despite my husband’s wise words, as is standard procedure with anything in my life. I needed to bounce this off my best friend too so I called my sister. I went through the whole scenario again with her and she listened patiently. She then said the second wisest thing I heard that day. She told me that a Manager had once said to her “you need to be able to stand behind whatever you produce and believe in it. Every time you give advice or produce a document, you not only need to be able to fully understand it yourself. You also need to believe in whatever it is so you can stand behind it!”

Say what?

My sister explained that my apparent ‘fuck up’ wasn’t a processing error, it wasn’t like I pushed the wrong button and everything went to shit. My ‘fuck up’ was actually something I spent days thinking about and writing. Something I investigated, pondered and then went on to write an 11 page report about. Everything I put into that report at the time I wrote it was something I considered relevant. “So stand by your beliefs”. She said. “It doesn’t matter if one person in the world doesn’t like it. So what?! If you can stand behind what you wrote, because you obviously wrote it for a reason – then who cares if she doesn’t like it or if she complains? That’s just one person’s opinion. It doesn’t matter if you get called up on it either – as long as you can stand by your beliefs”.

She ended her little sermon with “as long as you know why you wrote what you wrote, why you did what you did, then that’s all that matters”. Jesus! When did this 30 year old kid get so wise?

Why Valentine’s day is all about ME!

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As part of this post, I thought I’d do some research about the origins of Valentine’s day … but then I got bored and gave up! What does it matter anyway? Valentine’s day as we now know it, is all about; roses, chocolates, cards and romantic meals.

It’s the one day of the year that those of us who have persevered through the ups and downs of a relationship, can feel that it’s all been worthwhile… because there’s a possibility we might receive a card or roses or chocolates or even a free meal! If our love is like the stuff you see in movies, we might even get one or more of these gifts or all of them together! Now that’s a love that can’t be tested!

Today is also the one day of the year that it’s assumed by most that anyone who is single will feel like shit and long to be in a relationship!

Whatever the reality of these situations are, is unimportant. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, is irrelevant. Because, today is ALL about love – and showing the person you love the most in the world, just how much they mean to you… and single or not, we all have that person in our lives! Because that person is YOU!

If today you secretly hope that your loved one will go to great lengths to show you how much they love you. Or you wish you had that special someone in your life. Ask yourself instead, what are you doing to show yourself how much you love you?

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Take five minutes out and grab a piece of paper and jot down:

  • 5 of your accomplishments over the last year, however small.
  • 5 things you’ve done to help others over the years.
  • 5 compliments you’d give yourself.
  • 5 parts of your personality that you think are pretty damn cool.
  • 5 things you like about your body.

Take time to reflect upon your achievements and congratulate yourself on the person you’ve become and the person you’re trying to be. Appreciate who you are and how far you’ve come, through all of the tough times.

Once you’ve done this, do one thing to pamper yourself today. Dress up! Go further and treat yourself, however small that treat might be – be it a slice of cake, a new top or a new book you’ve been thinking about buying. Whatever you decide to do, do one thing today to show yourself how important you are.

And remember, a lot of what you see is an illusion. Yes, there are happy couples out there but that happiness doesn’t come without work. It takes hard work to make a relationship last, to stick it through the tough times, day in and day out. Just like it’s hard to be single – while everyone around you seems to be coupled up. It’s just a different kind of hard.

The important thing is not if you have someone to love or that someone loves you. The important thing is how much you love yourself. As the stylish Miss Carrie Bradshaw once said, “don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first…”.

If you’ve never been in love with yourself before, today is the perfect day to start.

Happy Valentine’s day to me… and of course, to you too. xx